you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
