what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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