Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just got carded by a ten year old.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
