Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
