Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
