K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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