Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
