He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
