he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
