You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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