Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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