how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
