White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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