I wannas sexs uuuuu
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
