never play flip cup with pint glasses
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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