I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
