thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
