I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
