I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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