with your own penis?
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
