wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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