explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
