He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
