Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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