in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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