my being single is dangerous.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You are the jesus of drinking
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
