I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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