Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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