He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
