i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
