OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
