it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week