They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo