i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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