i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
