I want to have your abortion
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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