Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
