8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
