Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
