Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
