I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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