You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
