My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
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My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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