Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
