You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
