Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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