I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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