1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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