i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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