fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
