Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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