im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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