dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
