So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
