Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
