we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
