He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
