Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed