I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes