where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.