I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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