I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...