see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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