Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
