So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Can I color on your dick again?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
