I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
