my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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