i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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