You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You have to summon your inner elephant
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
