I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
