Got a toothbrush?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Porn is love you can see.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
