I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
