I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
