Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Randomize
