I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
