Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
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is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
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Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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